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Once upon a time, there was Supernatural, season 2

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Let's see which funny quotes we have this season...

2x01: In my time of dying


Sam: (with ouija board) Dean? Dean, are you here?
Dean: (as spirit) God, I feel like I'm at a slumber party.
*

Tessa: It's time to put the past behind you...
Dean: ...and go where?
Tessa: Sorry, Can't give away the big punchline...
*


2x02: Everybody loves a clown


Sam: Where did you learn all this?
Ash: MIT.
Sam: MIT?
Ash: Yeah, it's a school in Boston.
*

Dean: Excuse me. We're looking for a Mr. Cooper. Have you seen him around?
Amazing Papazian: What is that? Some kind of joke? (removes his glasses, showing he's blind)
Dean: Oh God, I'm sorry...
Amazing Papazian: You think I wouldn't give my eye teeth to see Mr. Cooper, or a sunset, or anything at all...?
Dean: (aside, to Sam) You wanna give me a little help here?
Sam: Not really.
Midget Clown: Hey Barry, is there a problem?
Amazing Papazian: Yeah, this guy hates blind people.
Dean: No, no I don't...
Midget Clown: Hey buddy, what's your problem?
Dean: Nothing, it's just a little misunderstanding.
Midget Clown: Little? You son of a bitch...
Dean: No, no, no, I'm just... Can somebody tell me where Mr. Cooper is? Please?
*

Mr. Cooper: You two have never worked a show in your lives before, have you?
Dean: Nope. But we really need the work. So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.
*

Ash: If this fugly bastard raises its head, I'll know. I mean I'm on it like Divine on dog dookie.
*

Dean: You still bust out crying whenever you see Ronald McDonald on the television.
Sam: At least I'm not afraid of flying.
Dean: Planes crash!
Sam: And apparently clowns kill.
*

(driving a minivan)
Dean: This is humiliating. Feel like a freakin' soccer mom!
*

Sam: All right, Dean, it's just we've been at Bobby's for over a week now and you haven't brought up Dad once.
Dean: You know what, you're right. Come here, I want to lay my head gently on your shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug, maybe even slow dance.
*


2x03: Bloodlust


Sam: (sighs) I don't want to bring you guys down, so I'm gonna head back to the motel.
Dean: (groans slightly) You sure?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Hey, Sammy! Remind me to beat that buzz kill-out of you, later.
*

Dean: Did you check out that Barker farm?
Gordon: It’s a bust. Just a bunch of hippy freaks. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone.
*

Lenore: (to Sam) Our kind (vampires) is practically extinct. Turns out we weren’t quite as high up the food chain as we imagined.
*

Dean: Go on. Hit me.
Sam: Dude, you look like you just went twelve rounds with a block of cement! I'll take a raincheck.
*

Dean: All right, Open it.
Sam: You open it.
Dean: Wuss.
*

Sheriff: What newspaper did you say you worked for?
Dean: World Weekly News.
Sam: Weekly World News.
Dean: World...
Sam: Weekly World News.
Dean: Wor... I'm new.
Sheriff: Get out of my office.
*

Sam: (talking to Dean) Give you a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you're Mr. Sunshine.
*

Ellen: And Hannibal Lecter is a good psychiatrist.
*

Dean: A wooden bridge. That's all you got?
Sam: The bridge was four and a half minutes from their farm
Dean: How do you know....?
Sam: I counted... they turned left out of the farm, then right onto a dirt road, traveled that for two minutes, slightly uphill. Then another quick right and we hit the bridge.
Dean: You're good.. you're a monster pain in the ass... but you're good.
*

Sam: Dean, get me a bucket.
Dean: Find something?
Sam: No, I think i'm going to puke.
*

Dean: You all right, Sammy?
Sam: Yeah, I'm fine.
Gordon: Well, lighten up a little, Sammy.
Sam: He's the only one who gets to call me that.
*

Dean: (talking about the Impala) Woo... listen to her purr. Have you ever heard anything so sweet?
Sam: You know, if you two want to get a room, just let me know, Dean.
Dean: (rubbing the steering wheel) Aww, don't listen to him, baby. He just doesn't understand us.
*


2x04: children shouldn't play with dead things


(after reburying Angela)
Sam: Rest in peace.
Dean: Yeah, for good this time, okay?
*

Sam: I think she broke my hand.
Dean: You're just too fragile. We'll get it looked at later.
*

Sam: Did we have to use me as bait?
Dean: I figured you were more her type. She had pretty crappy taste in guys.
*

Dean: I've heard of people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid but you take the cake.
*

Neil: You're crazy.
Dean: Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy?
*

Dean: Damn, that dead chick can run.
*

Sam: You think Angela's going after somebody?
Dean: Nah, I think she went out to rent Beaches.
Sam: Look, smartass, she might kill someone.
*

Sam: Silver bullets?
Dean: Enough to make her rattle like a change purse.
*

Dean: Neil, it’s your grief counselors. We’ve come to hug.
*

Dean: It takes two to... you know, have hardcore sex.
*


2x05: Simon Said


Andy: Why are you following me?
Sam: Well, we're lawyers. See, a relative of yours has passed...
Andy: Tell the truth!
Sam: That's what I...
Dean: (deadpan) We hunt demons.
Andy: What?
Dean: Demons, spirits, things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, this is my brother...
Sam: Dean, shut up!
Dean: (through gritted teeth) I'm trying! He's psychic. Kinda like you, well not really like you, but see, he thinks you're a murderer, and he's afraid that he's gonna become one himself, cause you're all part of something that's terrible, and I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.
*

Jo: What?
Dean: REO Speedwagon?!
Jo: Damn right, REO. Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart.
Dean: He sings it from the hair--there's a difference.
*

Sam: Plus, it could have some connection with the demon. My visions always do.
Dean: That's my point! There's gonna be hunters there. I don't know if, if going in there and announcing that you're some supernatural freak, with a demonic connection's the best thing, okay?
Sam: So I'm a freak now?
Dean: You've always been a freak.
*

Sam: Holly Beckett gave birth to twins.
Andy: I have…an evil twin.
*

Andy: Are you really this stupid? You, you learn you got a twin, you call them up! You go out for a drink. You don’t start killing people!
*

Andy: This is a cherry ride.
Dean: Yeah, thanks.
Andy: Man, a ’67. Impala’s best year, if you ask me. This is a serious classic.
Dean: Yeah. You know, I just rebuilt her, too. Can’t let a car like this one go.
Andy: Damn straight. Hey, can I have it?
Dean: Sure, man!
*

Dean: (to the Impala) I'm sorry, baby. I'll never leave you again.
*

Dean: I call do-over.
Sam: What are you, 7?
*

Dean: What's wrong?
Sam: Nothing.
Dean: Sam, you look like you're sucking on a lemon.
*

Dean: Besides, if I ran off with you I think your mother might kill me.
Jo: You're afraid of my mother?
Dean: I think so.
*

Ash: Sam. Dean. Sam and Dean.
Sam: Hey, Ash, um, we need your help.
Ash: Well hell then, I guess I need my pants.
*


2x06: No Exit


Dean: Young girl got kidnapped by an evil cult.
Sam: Yeah, and does this girl have a name?
Dean: Katie Holmes.
Sam: That's funny... and for you, so bitchy.
*

Jo: Take it, I won't bite.
Dean: No, but your mom might..
*

Sam: Where’d you get all that money?
Jo: Working at the Roadhouse.
Dean: Hunters don’t tip that well.
Jo: Well, they’re not that good at poker, either.
*

Dean: (answers the phone) Yeah.
Ellen: You lied to me. She’s there.
Dean: Ellen
Ellen: No, Ash told me everything. The man’s a genius, but he folds like a cheap suit. Now you put my damn daughter on the phone.
Dean: She’s gonna have to call you back, she taking care of... feminine business.
Ellen: Yeah, right. Where is she? Where is she?!?
Dean: Look, we’ll get her back.
Ellen: Get her back? Back from what?
Dean: The spirit we’re hunting, it took her.
Ellen: Oh my God.
Dean: She’ll be okay, I promise.
Ellen: You promise. That is not the first time I’ve heard that from a Winchester.
*


2x07: The Usual Suspects


Dean: Pee break? So soon? I think you might wanna get your prostate checked.
*

Sam: Wow, I'd say we've officially crossed over into weird.
*

Ballard: Unless... I just happened to turn my back, you walked away, I could tell them the suspects escaped.
Sam: Wait, are you sure?
Dean: Yes, she’s sure, Sam!
*

Sam: You know, I think this is bothering me.
Ballard: Well, you are digging up a corpse.
Sam: No, not that. See, it's pretty par for the course, actually.
*

Dean: What do you think, Scully, want to check it out?
Sam: I’m not Scully, you’re Scully.
Dean: No, I’m Mulder. You’re a red-headed woman.
*

Sheridan: Talk directly into the camera, start by stating your name for the record.
Dean: My name is Dean Winchester. I’m an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women.
*

Sam: Anthony Gyles' body was found right about here. (reads) "Throat slit so deep, part of his spinal cord was visible."
Dean: (whistles) What do you think? Vengeful spirit, underline "vengeful"?
*

Sam: I needed some time off. To deal. So, I'm taking a road trip with my brother.
Ballard: How's that going for you?
Sam: Great. I mean, we saw the second largest ball of twine in the continental U.S. Awesome.
*


2x08: Crossroad Blues


Dean: What do they got on you?
Sam: I'm sure they haven't posted it yet.
Dean: What no accessory? Nothing?
Sam: Shut up.
Dean: (laughs) You're jealous.
Sam: No, I'm not!
*

Dean: I swear... if this is another freekin' Pomeranian barking in the neighbor's yard...
*

Dean: What the hell was that for?
Dean's Demon: Sealing the deal.
Dean: You know, I usually like to be warned before I’m violated with demon tongue.
*

Dean: I don’t know what this thing is.
Sam: You mean Carly’s Myspace address?
Dean: Yeah, Myspace. What the hell is that? Seriously, is that like, some sort of porn site?
*

Sam: But anyways, whatever they are, they’re big, nasty…
Dean: Yeah, bet they could hump the crap out of your leg. Look at that one, huh?
(Sam sighs)
Dean: What? They could.
*

Sam: So much for a low profile. You’ve got a warrant in St. Louis and now you’re officially in the Feds’ database.
Dean: (laughs) Dude, I’m like Dillinger or something.
*

Dean: What do you got on the case there, you innocent, harmless young man you?
*


2x09: Croatan


Duane: You were gonna shoot me!
Dean: You don't shut your pie hole, I still might.
*

Sam: This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.
Dean: I don’t know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa? Brrr....
*

Sam: Roanoke? Lost colony? Ring a bell? Dean, did you pay any attention to history class?
Dean: Yeah. The shot heard 'round the world, how bills become laws....
Sam: That's not school; that's Schoolhouse Rock!
Dean: Whatever.
*


2x10: Hunted


Ava: (to Sam) Why can’t you just leave town, please? Before you blow up!
*

Ava: (to shrink) I just remembered, when I was a kid I swallowed, like, 8 things of pop rocks and then drank a whole can of coke. You don’t think that that counts as a suicide attempt, do you?
Dean: (seeing Sam through motel window) Thank God you’re okay. (sees Ava with Sam) Oh, you’re better than okay. Sam, you sly dog!
*

Sam: I want you out of harm’s way, Ava.
Ava: What about you?
Sam: Harm’s way doesn’t really bother me.
*

Sam: All right, so where to next, man?
Dean: One word, Amsterdam.
Sam: Dean!
Dean: Come on, man. I hear the coffee shops don’t even serve coffee.
*

Gordon: What,.you think this is revenge?
Dean: Well we did leave you tied up in your own mess for three days. (snickers) Which was awesome. Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.
*

Dean: Come on, man, I know Sam, okay, better than anyone. He’s got more of a conscience than I do. The guy feels guilty surfing the Internet for porn.
*

Gordon: Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.
(Sam slugs him)
Sam: It’s Sam.
*

Sam: So if you really want to watch my back, I guess you’re going to have to stick around.
Dean: Bitch.
Sam: Jerk.
*

Dean: What’s the point of saving the world if you can’t get a little nookie once in a while, huh?
*

Dean: Dude, you ever take off like that again...
Sam: What? You'd kill me?
Dean: That is so not funny.
*

Sam: Gordon's taken care of. (get shot at by Gordon).
Dean: You call this taken care of?! (cops pull up and arrest Gordon)
Sam: Anonymous tip.
Dean: You're a fine, upstanding citizen, Sam.
*


2x11: Playthings


2x12: Nightshifter

2x13: Houses of the Holy

2x14: Born under a bad sign

2x15: Tell Tale

2x16: Road kill
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[User Picture]
On February 8th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC), castalie commented:
Dude, what about "I full on Swayze'd that mother?" which, I know, you can't quote all of them, but it's just that it's a favourite quote of mine, so... *g*

And Dean seriously has the best lines ever! Sam has a lot of good ones, too, of course, but he just can't win. You go, Deano!
[User Picture]
On February 9th, 2007 10:00 am (UTC), babycakesin replied:
how come I don't have this one?!Dude, I get the quotes here and there, sometimes I miss some - which episode is it on again, so I can add it? (any funny quote is a good quote, therefore should be here, period)

Well, Dean is the best, I have to agree to that lol I can't stop squeeing as I watch the episodes - it's a disease, really lol
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[User Picture]
On February 8th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC), moimoietmoi commented:
Dean: Pee break? So soon? I think you might wanna get your prostate checked.

*chokes*

How the hell did I miss that?!
[User Picture]
On February 9th, 2007 10:01 am (UTC), babycakesin replied:
kinky indeed *g*
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