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Once upon a time, there was Due South

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* * *


"In this popular series that ran from 1994 to 1996, Benton Fraser comes to Chicago in an attempt to find out who killed his father. After solving the murder, he decides to stick around and work for the local Canadian consulate. He has made friends with a local detective, Ray Vecchio, whose sister, Francesca, has a major crush on him. Although Vecchio is often confused by Benton's strange way of doing things and Benton is often confused by how things are done south of the border, the two get along famously, having an incredible on-screen chemistry." (tv.com)

Ray Vecchio: What is it with you? Does dirt not stick to you? What, were you scotch-guarded at birth?

1x01: Free Willie


Benton Fraser: She shot my hat, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: She shot you in the hat?
Benton Fraser: I can feel air coming in through the hole.
Ray Vecchio: She shot you in the hat alright.
Benton Fraser: How does it look?
Ray Vecchio: It doesn't look good.
Benton Fraser: We'll have to go home and get my other one.
Ray Vecchio: We can do that, Fraser.
*

Benton Fraser: You know, Ray, when I was a young man my father told me one thing to always remember about thieves. Actually, he told me two things but I've forgotten the other one. Anyway, the important one is that despite the adage you will rarely find honor among thieves.
Ray Vecchio: You can’t remember the other one?
Benton Fraser: It was something about tying a wallet to your underwear. I was very young at the time.
*

(Fraser holds the door for several people.)
Benton Fraser: After you, sir. After you.
Ray Vecchio: Do all Canadians grow up longing to be doormen? Because that would explain the uniform.
*

Lt. Harding Welsh: Ah yes, the Mountie. I thought they sent you back up to the Yukon.
Benton Fraser: Well they did, sir, and then they sent me back here again. I'm afraid I'm not all that well liked up there.
Lt. Harding Welsh: By 'up there' you mean ... ?
Benton Fraser: Pretty much all of Canada.
*

Ray Vecchio: Where is he?
Benton Fraser: Who?
Ray Vecchio: The kid, the purse snatcher. Where is he? I want to book him.
Benton Fraser: Oh, I let him go.
Ray Vecchio: You let him go?
Benton Fraser: Well, he apologized and promised never to steal again.
Ray Vecchio: You just let him go?
Benton Fraser: Not without a stern warning. Also he gave me this. (hands Ray a gun)
Ray Vecchio: Does the word incarcerate mean anything to you?
Benton Fraser: Well, it’s from the Medieval Latin, incarcerati.
Ray Vecchio: Medieval Latin. You let a perpetrator go and you're giving me Latin?
Benton Fraser: Perpetrator is also from the Latin perpetrare.
Ray Vecchio: Shut up, okay? Just shut up!
*

Benton Fraser: Ray, Ray, Ray!
Ray Vecchio: What?
Benton Fraser: Is my lanyard on straight?
Ray Vecchio: (yelling) He's a slum lord!
*


1x03: manhunt


Ray Vecchio: Do you have any idea what’s in this water?
Benton Fraser: I would suspect a high percentage of ammonia, phosphorus, and cyanide.
Ray Vecchio: Wrong! Rats, rats this big, and you know what they’re doing? They’re laughing at us. I’m in a canoe with two wounded Mounties and I’m being humiliated by rats.
*

Ray Vecchio: How’s it going?
Benton Fraser: They tried to cut off my boots. Right up the side. I wouldn’t let them.
Ray Vecchio: I don’t blame you. Lose a leg, sure, but a good pair of boots isn’t easy to replace.
*

Julie Frobisher: You haven’t changed a bit. You’re just like my father. You can track a man 500 miles over sheer ice, but put you within arms length of a woman and you’re lost.
*

(After Ray has just received a call from a woman reporting her cat stolen.)
Benton Fraser: I need your help, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: Does it involve domestic animals?
Benton Fraser: Not that I’m aware of.
Ray Vecchio: Then I’m your man.
*

Benton Fraser: Now I think I’ll open the floor to questions.
School Child: Do you have to undo all your buttons to go to the toilet?
Benton Fraser: No, anyone else?
School Child: How many do you have to unbutton?
Benton Fraser: Just enough to get your trousers undone. Yes?
School Child: Do they have toilets in Canada?
Benton Fraser: Yes, we do. Anyone else? Anyone else at all?
*

Benton Fraser: Since their formation, our two countries have found a peaceful way to coexist. Except for the war of 1812 where your country invaded ours and we sent you packing, but that’s hardly worth mentioning.
*


1x04: they eat horses, don't they?


Fraser: Oh, would you mind dropping in to my place and checking up on Dief. He’s been in the apartment all day.
Ray: Oh, great. I can’t wait to see what I’ll find.
*

Ray Vecchio: Some people pass away in their sleep, others die while making love to a beautiful woman. I’m going to die wrapped in meat.
*


1x05: pizzas and promises


Ray Vecchio: Is she dead?
Tammy Markles: (groans) I hate men.
Benton Fraser: No, just disappointed.
*

Ray Vecchio: (trying to get Diefenbaker to stop) Un-mush, un-mush!
*

Ray Vecchio: (to Francesca) You keep this up and I'll let Fraser read your diary!
*


1x06: chinatown


Benton Fraser: Lieutenant, I understand your dilemma. In Canada, we have more than a passing familiarity with confusion. We're comprised of ten provinces and two territories communicating across six time zones in two official languages. The English don't understand the French, the French don't understand the English, and the Inuit, quite frankly, couldn't give a damn about either of them. Added to the equation is the Assembly of First Nations, with a total of six-hundred-and-thirty-three separate Indian bands speaking one-hundred-and-eighty sub-dialects among their fifty linguistic groups. And as if that weren't enough, there are some fisherman on the east coast with a remarkably whimsical accent --
Harding Welsh: There is a point to this, I assume?
Benton Fraser: Oh yes sir. I believe so. The key that we have found is compromise. I would suggest we devise the plan that would use everyone to the best of their abilities.
*

Benton Fraser: (About tasting things.) I am a professional, it's not for amateurs.
*

Ray Vecchio: (Joking.) Spend a lot of time alone as a child, Fraser?
Benton Fraser: Yes.
*

Ray Vecchio: I'm sitting in a closet with a Mountie and being licked by a deaf wolf. It is the wolf, isn't it?
*

Ray Vecchio: Oh, no, Benny, not the windows! I don't think they have doors in Canada.
*

Benton Fraser: Nice shot by the way, knocking it out of the guy's hand. (Refering to a gun.)
Ray Vecchio: Oh you liked that?
Benton Fraser: I was impressed.
Ray Vecchio: (Smugly.) I thought you would be.
Benton Fraser: You were aiming for …
Ray Vecchio: his chest?
Benton Fraser: Oh. (Pauses.) I think I should adjust your sights.
Ray Vecchio: I'd appreciate that.
*

Benton Fraser: You know, you let a wolf save your life and they make you pay and pay and pay.
Ray Vecchio: That's why I don't own a wolf.
*


1x07: Chicago holiday (part 1)


Ray Vecchio: Looks like a very painful experience.
Benton Fraser: Well, dancing with the Americans often is, Ray. Speaking politically of course, not personally.
*

Harding Welsh: Do we have cause of death?
Dr. Esther Pearson: Judging from the hole in his back I'm ruling out asphyxiation.
*


1x08: Chicago holiday (part 2)


Christina Nichols: What were you running away from?
Benton Fraser: Oh, it was a very tortured scenario. It involved a gold mine, a boomerang and a tank full of gasoline. It's all ancient history, though.
*

Ray Vecchio: I'm talking to you, one human being to another.
Madame DeFarge: You have a very high opinion of yourself.
*

Ray Vecchio: You want to concentrate here, Elaine? Every sketch you do looks like Fraser in drag.
*


1x09: a cop, a mountie and a baby


(Fraser is asked why he has no locks on his doors.)
Benton Fraser: That's not entirely intentional.
Ray Vecchio: Someone stole them.
*

Benton Fraser: Dief ... Diefenbaker!
Ray Vecchio: Great, now we got a jealous wolf.
*

Benton Fraser: Do the puffin face. Ray.
Ray Vecchio: I'm a cop, Fraser. I don't do faces.
*


1x10: the gift of the wheelman


Benton Fraser: Is there any history of insanity in our family?
Robert Fraser: No, not that I'm aware. Well, there was your Uncle Tiberius, who died wrapped in cabbage leaves, but we assumed that was a freak accident. Go on, go on.
*

Ray Vecchio: Kid, I'm having a good day, it's Christmas Eve and I'm filled with love for my fellow man, but I swear to God if you don't look again I'm gonna smack you upside the head.
*

Harding Welsh: In the last half hour I've had calls from seven department stores, the Salvation Army, two parade officials and the director of a children's pageant. This was augmented by phone calls from four city council members, the deputy mayor and the police commissioner. All of them are curious why we are detaining every Santa Claus in the city on Christmas eve. The police commissioner was especially irked, seeing that his daughter was on Santa's lap in a department store when said Santa was cuffed and hauled off to a paddy wagon. In our zeal to solve this crime, I can't help but wonder if we are being... how shall I say this... excessively stupid?
*

Fraser Sr: Hello, Son.
Fraser: Hello Dad...How are you?
Fraser Sr: I'm dead, Son. Other than that, do you mean?
*


1x10 The Gift of the Wheelman


1x11 You Must Remember This


Dr. Martins: Don't come out here. Unless you want me to take you down with me.
Ray Vecchio Am I wearing a funny hat? Do I look like a Mountie? So jump, what do I care?
*

Ray Vecchio: This is like something out of the dark ages! Look at this room! They're probably going to give us shock treatment! I don't react well to shock treatment.
Benton Fraser: Calm down, Ray. They're not going to do any of those things. They're going to kill us.
*

Benton Fraser: He woke up, and the wind was from the south, and he found that he still knew the difference between a hawk and a handsaw.
*

Ray Vecchio: You say something innocent and next they try and convince you that you have dreams of seeing your mother naked.
Benton Fraser: You have dreams of your mother naked?
*


1x12 A Hawk and a Handsaw


1x13 An Eye for an Eye


Benton Fraser: It's quite simple, Ray. All Mr. Colling has to do is shoot me, and then he can shoot him.
Ray Vecchio: Oh... well then. As long as you have a plan.
*

Ray Vecchio: See, this is what's wrong with you, Fraser. You see a problem, you gotta fix it. You can't go to the men's room without stopping to tell some charmingly simple Inuit story that just happens to inspire people to take on the world's social ills.
*

Benton Fraser: Diefenbaker. (Diefenbaker doesn't move.) Now, don't be selfish. I told you, taking an hour out of your day to visit with the elderly can be as rewarding an experience for you as it is for them.
*


1x14 The Man Who Knew Too Little


Ray Vecchio: I think I got their windshield.
Benton Fraser: Every little bit helps, Ray.
Ian MacDonald: Yeah, we'll be dead, but they'll have really poor visibility.
*

Benton Fraser: My father said something that's always stuck with me, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: Your father never shut up, did he?
Benton Fraser: He said that a man with no future will often run to his past.
Ray Vecchio: When did that come up, Fraser? Were you just sitting around at breakfast and he suddenly came out with it? Or did he like run in and wake you up at night when he thought of these things.
*

Ian MacDonald: Did you see that?! They tried to kill me!
Ray Vecchio: Yeah, the bullets tipped me off.
*


1x15 The Wild Bunch


Ray Vecchio: Okay, I'm here! If you wanna lift, let's get in the car!
Willie: I thought he blew it up.
Benton Fraser: He did.
Ray Vecchio: We're not talking about that, okay? We don't mention it, we don't discuss it.
*


1x16 The Blue Line


Dawn Charest: Has anyone ever told you that you have phenomenal bone structure?
Benton Fraser: Yes. A starving Inuit.
*

Mark Smithbauer: I can't sleep.
Benton Fraser: What is it?
Mark Smithbauer: Its 7:00 P.M.!
*


1x17 The Deal


Francesca Vecchio: Forgive me, Father, for what I am about to do.
Father Behan: This isn't about the Mountie again, is it?
Francesca Vecchio: I know, I know. But this time, I'm gonna to do it.
Father Behan: Francesca, I can't keep forgiving you in advance for something that never happens!
*

Benton Fraser: That's an old scar.
Elaine Besbriss: How'd you get it?
Benton Fraser: Someone struck me with an otter.
*

Benton Fraser: Bindlestich.
Ray Vecchio: You gotta stop swearing in Eskimo.
*

Benton Fraser: Sometimes at night I can still remember him coming into the classroom, swinging that otter over his head. There was just no reasoning with him.
*


1x18 An Invitation to Romance


Inspector Moffat: Image, Constable, that's what we're talking about here. The basis of all diplomatic relations is not who you are but who the other side thinks you are. Now, I've worked very hard creating an image of Canadians we can all be proud of.
Benton Fraser: Yes, Sir.
Inspector Moffat: You on the other hand have been doing everything in your power to wreak havoc on that image.
Benton Fraser: Sir?
Inspector Moffat: All this do-gooding, Constable! Picking up litter, rescuing kittens, saving people's lives ... what sort of message do you suppose that sends to the Americans?
Benton Fraser: That we care, Sir?
Inspector Moffat: Exactly! And people don't fear people who care!
Benton Fraser: I'm sorry, Sir. I wasn't aware that we want Americans to fear us.
Inspector Moffat: (after ranting at a tailor) There, did you see that, Fraser? That's another American tailor that fears me.
Benton Fraser: I could see that, Sir.
Inspector Moffat: And that's what Canada needs.
Benton Fraser: To be feared by tailors?
(After this conversation Fraser offers an old woman to help her cross the street.)
Benton Fraser: Can I give you a hand across the road, Ma'am? Old Woman: Aren't you the kind young man! Where are you from?
Benton Fraser: Well, Ma'am, I'm from ... (hesitates), I'd rather not say ... .
*

Katherine Burns: Excuse me, I found my fiancé.
Marriage Clerk: You just told me he wasn't your fiancé.
Katherine Burns: I was mistaken. I didn't recognise him.
Marriage Clerk: (To Fraser.) What's your name?
Katherine Burns: (Before Fraser can answer.) He can't hear you; he's mute.
Benton Fraser: I believe you mean deaf.
Katherine Burns: Oh, yes, thank you sweetheart.
Marriage Clerk: You're marrying a deaf, mute Mountie and you didn't recognise him?
Benton Fraser: Perhaps I can explain...
Marriage Clerk: If he's deaf mute, why is he talking?
Katherine Burns: Now you're criticising the handicapped?
*

Ray Vecchio: (To Diefenbaker.) What is the most unglamorous, unromantic place you could possibly take a woman? (A garbage truck drives past and Diefenbaker gives chase.) Oh, come on! A garbage truck? Not even Fraser's that... Hold on Benny! (Ray runs after the truck.)
*

Benton Fraser: How many bullets do you have left, Ray?
Ray Vecchio: One. (Fires in the air.) I’m not shooting my car! I blew up the last one for you, I’m not doing it again!
*

Benton Fraser: I thought I was in love once. Later I discovered it was an inner ear imbalance, but at the time we spent the night snowed in on the side of a mountain, watching the Aurora Borealis burn and dance. But when it ended, I discovered that I’d learned two things. The first is that it’s easier to think you’re in love than to think you’re alone and the second is that it’s easy to confuse love with high speed particles from the sun bursting in the air.
*

Katherine Burns: I can’t believe I’m spending the eve of my wedding riding in a garbage truck with a total stranger I just tried to seduce in order to escape being shot by my fiance. I mean, it doesn’t get much worse than that does it?
*


1x19 Heaven and Earth


Benton Fraser: Hamlet sees his father’s ghost.
Ray Vecchio: Yeah, he also kills his uncle and spends an inordinate amount of time chatting with skeletons.
*


1x20 Victoria's Secret (1)


Vendor: Hey, mister! Mister! Take a look. Twenty bucks for genuine Eskimo soapstone sculpture.
Benton Fraser: Actually this isn't soapstone. It's not even stone. It's soap. And you might be curious to discover that the Inuit are not indigenous to Taiwan.
*

Ray: So how did you two meet?
Victoria: He arrested me.
Ray: He meets a lot of people that way.
*


1x21 Victoria's Secret (2)


Louis Gardino: Sir, I know that Vecchio's a real weasel and all, but he's a straight-up cop.
I.A. Officer: You don't seriously believe that, do you?
Louis Gardino: Oh yeah. Serious weasel.
*


1x22 Letting Go


(Fraser Sr. visits Fraser at the hospital. His grandmother is there as well, but only Fraser Sr. can see her.)
Benton Fraser: How is she?
Robert Fraser: She's not dead enough, son.
*

Robert Fraser: Wouldn't catch me moping around here just because I was shot.
Benton Fraser: I suffered massive nerve and muscle damage. I was lucky to survive.
Robert Fraser: I'd have been back on the post next morning.
*

Ray Vecchio: Benny, not every woman with long dark hair tries to kill her lover.
Benton Fraser: Oh.
*

Bob Fraser: She's a lovely girl.
Benton Fraser: She's not a girl, she's my therapist.
*

Benton Fraser: Thanks, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: For getting shot?
Benton Fraser: Yes.
Ray Vecchio: Yeah, I figured you'd like that.
Benton Fraser: Well, I'm not proud about that but I'll admit I did get a certain perverse pleasure out of it.
Ray Vecchio: Aha! You see, you were mad at me.
Benton Fraser: Well, you shot me in the back.
Ray Vecchio: Well, that was an accident.
Benton Fraser: Well, I know, so was yours. (Pauses.) I mean, it was an accident, wasn't it?
Ray Vecchio: Yeah, of course it was.
Benton Fraser: Well, there you go then. Enough said. Even Steven.
*


2x01 North


Benton Fraser: Listen! A search plane! Someone's in trouble!
Ray Vecchio: Yeah! Us!
*

(Diefenbaker is howling at the moon.)
Ray Vecchio: Very funny! What, do you think you're a wolf or something?
*

Benton Fraser: Being lost is usually accompanied by a feeling of panic, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: Are you saying I'm panicking?
Benton Fraser: No, on the contrary. You see, Ray, people who are lost panic and then they walk aimlessly in the woods. Very often they walk in circles until eventually they die, either from starvation or from lack of water. Now, we by comparison we've remained calm and you see Ray, this is he secret to survival in the woods, remaining ... (sniffs) Ray, I smell something. I smell fuel, burned plastic, metal ... what is it?
Ray Vecchio: It's a plane crash.
Benton Fraser: Oh, my God, Ray! Another plane crash! What are the odds?
Ray Vecchio: It's our plane crash, you moron, we've been going in circles the whole time.
*

Ray Vecchio: How far do you think you'll get with that gash on your head?
Benton Fraser: Oh, Ray ... head wounds always look worse than they actually are. (shows his compass to Ray) Can you give me a reading, please?
Ray Vecchio: Oh, it's your compass, you read it.
Benton Fraser: I can't.
Ray Vecchio: Oh, neither can I.
Benton Fraser: You have to, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: Why?
Benton Fraser: I'm blind.
Ray Vecchio: You're blind?
Benton Fraser: Apparently.
Ray Vecchio: You're really, really blind?
Benton Fraser: As a bat.
Ray Vecchio: Why didn't you say something?
Benton Fraser: No point making a bad situation worse.
*

Robert Fraser: When I first joined the Mounted Police, all the equipment we got was a paper bag and a pointed stick. We used the bag to boil tea and the stick was for killing game and if you lost either of them, they charged you for it.
Benton Fraser: Are you ill?
*

Ray: We're lost, aren't we.
Fraser: No. We just don't know where we are.
*

Benton Fraser: On a brighter note, 18% of crash survivors walk away with three out of four limbs.

2x02 Vault


Benton Fraser: We need a plan.
Ray Vecchio: Well, there is a plan, Fraser and it goes something like this: they drill the door, they blow the door, they shoot at us with automatic weapons and we die.
Benton Fraser: Mmh. What about a happier plan, Ray? A plan in which we surprise them, we disarm them and we rescue the hostages?
Ray Vecchio: And we do all this with a tuning fork? Look, Fraser, if I had a choice between one of their plans and one of yours, I'd choose theirs, it's probably safer.
*

(Fraser and Vecchio have found out that Francesca is held hostage in the lobby of the bank.)
Ray Vecchio: She's my sister.
Benton Fraser: She is also a very intelligent young woman, capable of handling herself in any given situation.
Ray Vecchio: Do you really believe that?
Benton Fraser: Not at all.
Ray Vecchio: Good, me neither.
*

Benton Fraser: There is no danger of us suffocating for at least ... You know, Ray, in situations like these, the Inuit ...
Ray Vecchio: Ooh, we're gonna die!
*

(Fraser and Vecchio inside the vault.)
Benton Fraser: We are in luck, Ray. It is completely sealed off.
Ray Vecchio: What?
Benton Fraser: Airtight, obviously for security. Rest easy Ray, the money is perfectly safe.
Ray Vecchio: Oh, that's a relief because for a moment there I was concerned that all this little Thomas Jeffersons were going to run out of oxygen.
*

Benton Fraser: This would be considered death in the line of duty.
Ray Vecchio: No, see, duty is something you’re paid to do. This is more like voluntary stupidity.
*

Ray Vecchio: This is how they punish Mounties in Canada? They make them dress like an American?
*


2x03 Witness


Harding Welsh: Women in authority. It’s a quandary. It shouldn’t be, but it is.
Benton Fraser: Sir?
Harding Welsh: I mean, you want to treat ‘em like the rest of the guys, you want to have them nod off in strategic planning sessions, you want them to have sweat rings, and maybe a little too much garlic on their breath. But no. No, not women. Women smell good. And women look good. And then they smile at you. And before you know it, you’re smiling back. And the first time they tear a piece off you, it’s like somebody’s sticking an ice pick through your heart.
*

Margaret Thatcher: You ran into a burning building to save a mohair sweater?
Benton Fraser: Yes, sir.
Margaret Thatcher: Pardon me if that sounds like sheer stupidity.
*


2x04 Bird in the Hand


Benton Fraser: If Nash wanted him dead, why would he have sent us there?
Ray Vecchio: Well, maybe he wanted to kill us too.
Benton Fraser: What possible motive could he have for that?
Ray Vecchio: Sometimes you are the most annoying man that I know. There's plenty of times I wanna kill you and I am your best friend.
*

Ray Vecchio: So, how's your leg?
Benton Fraser: Fine.
Ray Vecchio: Is that the same leg that he shot you in last time?
Benton Fraser: Yes.
Ray Vecchio: The same leg that he stabbed you in?
Benton Fraser: Yes, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: Does your country give you a medal for getting wounded like that?
Benton Fraser: No, not that I’m aware of.
Ray Vecchio: Then I think you should have this. (Sticks a note on Fraser's chest.)
Benton Fraser: "Please shoot the other leg." Well, that’s just not amusing, Ray.
*

Ray Vecchio: Hey Benny. Do me a favor. Pin this to your chest.
Benton Fraser: It says I am mentally deficient.
Ray Vecchio: Yeah, I just want Nash to know so he doesn’t shoot us both dead.
*

Benton Fraser: You recorded that conversation?
Ray Vecchio: Yeah, it’s a new policy. Anytime I go anywhere with you, I record everything. Mainly because if I have to go to court, no jury will ever believe the damn things that come out of your mouth.
*

Renfield Turnbull: Ah. So it’s not a secret meeting?
Benton Fraser: I’m sorry?
Renfield Turnbull: High level. Inner agency. Off the record.
Benton Fraser: Not that I’m aware of, no.
Renfield Turnbull: Ah, good. Of course, if it was you shouldn’t even tell me. So perhaps it is secret and you just can’t say. If that’s the case, I understand.
*


2x05 The Promise


Ray Vecchio: What is it with you? Does dirt not stick to you? What, were you scotch-guarded at birth?
*


2x06 Mask


Ray Vecchio: The Canadian? The Canadian is the killer? Oh, that's so un-Canadian!
*

Ray Vecchio: You see, that just doesn't make any sense because Mounties don't just fall, they leap, they bound, they grand jeté, but they don't just fall.
*


2x07 Juliet is Bleeding



2x08 One Good Man


(Fraser is about to give a speech in front of the city council.)
Councilor 1: Oh god! A filibuster! He is going to filibuster!
Councilor 2: What?
Councilor 3: He's gonna talk us to death. We'll be here all night!
Councilor 4: I don't have time for that. I'm a city councilor for god's sake, I had a golf game in the morning.
*

Mackenzie King: You owe me.
Benton Fraser: How much?
Mackenzie King: How much?
Benton Fraser: How much do I owe you?
*


2x09 The Edge


(Thatcher approaches Cortez, who is wiping fake blood of Frasier's neck.)
Margaret Thatcher: Thank you. We clean our own personnel here.
*

Anita Cortez: So is it true you never lost your partner?
Ray Vecchio: Well, uhhh... No.
Anita Cortez: No.
Ray Vecchio: Well, what I meant was, I never lost a partner to a land mine.
Anita Cortez: That’s not what you said.
Ray Vecchio: Well, that’s what I meant.
Anita Cortez: I can’t believe you lied to me.
Ray Vecchio: Well, technically I didn’t lie to you. You see, he was hit by a minivan.
Anita Cortez: Oh.
Ray Vecchio: While I was driving it. (Ray takes off running.)
Anita Cortez: Vecchio! (Cortez takes off after him.)
*


2x10 Starman


Bob: Where's your horse?
Benton Fraser: Well, I, I don't have one. I have a wolf if, if that helps you any.
Bob: You ride him?
Benton Fraser: No. He's deaf.
*


2x11 We are the Eggmen


(Francesca sells sandwiches at the police station.)
Francesca Vecchio: You hungry, Benton?
Benton Fraser: As a matter of fact, I am. How much do I owe you?
Francesca Vecchio: Ah, nada. You get the good-looking-allegeable-bachelor-discount.
Benton Fraser: Thank you kindly.
Ray Vecchio: You got prosciutto?
Francesca Vecchio: Yes, six bucks.
Ray Vecchio: Six bucks?
Francesca Vecchio: What? You're my brother, besides, even if you weren't you're not my type.
*

Ray Vecchio: (About Diefenbaker.) He hasn't kicked that junk food habit yet?
Benton Fraser: Well, you know they say its harder to kick than heroin.
*


2x12 Some Like It Red


Vecchio: You know, Benny, you weren't a bad-looking woman.
Fraser: Thank you, Ray.
Vecchio: Course, you weren't exactly my type either.
Fraser: Well, what exactly is your type, Ray?
Vecchio: I like a woman who is kind and honest with a good sense of humor.
Fraser: What? And I don't have those qualities?
Vecchio: No, no, you do, I just like a woman who is, you know, a woman.
Fraser: That's, that's picky Ray.
*

Benton Fraser: (Dressed as a woman and insisting Ray open doors for him.) Ray, manners.
Ray Vecchio: You know, Benny, there's a limit.
Benton Fraser: A limit? To good etiquette? I think not, Ray.
Ray Vecchio: Just get in the car before I beat you with your purse.
*

Fraser: Let me tell you something, Ray, I think that the person who invented pantyhose should be brought up on charges of cruelty, sadism and reckless endangerment. They pinch in the most inappropriate places.
Vecchio: Yeah, well most people who wear them don't have those places, Benny.
*

Benton Fraser: (To Melissa.) It takes seven fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown. Save your energy, you're going to need it in your child bearing years.
*

Margaret Thatcher: (To Fraser.) I've seen you track a snowflake back to the cloud it came from, how hard can it be to find a bottle of whiskey!
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2x13 White Men Can't Jump To Conclusions


Fraser: Detective Vecchio will blow your brains off.
Vecchio: Out.
Fraser: Out. I'm sorry, I stand corrected, he will blow your brains out.
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Tyree: Do you speak English?
Benton Fraser: Canadian actually.
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2x14 All the Queen's Horses


Ray Vecchio: Sir. there's people on that train. Sure, they're Canadian, but they're still people.
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2x15 Body Language


Margaret Thatcher: Would you care to tell me where you've been?
Benton Fraser: Well, I've been in a closet, Ma'am.
Margaret Thatcher: Any particular closet?
Benton Fraser: An exotic dancer's closet.
Margaret Thatcher: Well, that's your business of course ...
Benton Fraser: Well, I don't think you understand, Ma'am. I was in this closet with Detective Vecchio.
Margaret Thatcher: Well, I think that's all I care to hear about it, Constable.
Fraser: (On phone to Turnball) You are just the messenger, she will not shoot you...If she does, I will admit I was wrong.
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2x16 The Duel


Francesca Vecchio: I love it when your logical.
Benton Fraser: You're pretty much going to love whatever I say. (She nods dreamily at him.)
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Benton Fraser: (Answering cellphone.) Detective Vecchio's mobile office.
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2x17 Red, White or Blue


(After Fraser and Thatcher communicate by semiphor.)
Ray Vecchio: What did she say?
Benton Fraser: She called me a moron.
Ray Vecchio: She's a very perceptive woman.
*


2x18 Flashback


(Fraser remembers the licence plate) Vecchio: I could kiss you!
Fraser: I thought we were just friends, Ray.
Vecchio: We are.
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Benton Fraser: (Regarding his home.) I live like this? Am I being punished?
Ray Vecchio: You didn't hold the door for this woman!
Benton Fraser: So?
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Benton Fraser: I jumped onto a moving van?
Ray Vecchio: Its something you do all the time.
Benton Fraser: What am I, stupid?
*

Doctor: Its a good thing your friend has a hard head.
Ray Vecchio: I'm glad someone else noticed.
*
Current Music:
Top Gear (season 9, episode 3)
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On February 16th, 2007 08:59 pm (UTC), alinewrites commented:
I love DS so much! And I adore both Ray (I think Fraser has more chemistry with Vecchio, but Kowalski is so hot... )
[User Picture]
On February 16th, 2007 10:16 pm (UTC), babycakesin replied:
Fraser has more chemistry with Vecchio, but Kowalski is so hot...
*nods and nods* hell yeah... now I just have to find some funny quotes from Ray K... Aaaah Due South... this show made me fall in love with Emmanuel Curtil's voice - he's so brilliant when he dubs Benton! Pity there's no rerun...
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